Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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