clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
