I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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