You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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