Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
