You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
