i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he fucked my hip out of place.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
