I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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