U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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