Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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