can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
