When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
