Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize