peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
