i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
