after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
