my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
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is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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