for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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