I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
