My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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