She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
