I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
