I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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