I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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