Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He passed out mid-signature
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
