I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
