I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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