My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
