First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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