My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
