How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
