All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
