loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
