Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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