I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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