fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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