I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
