So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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