Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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