I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
