I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
