I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
