It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
