i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
