I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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