your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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