I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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