You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
