Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
