dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
