I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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