oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
