youre lurking in front of me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
