Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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