well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
