Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
