life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
