im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
