before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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