I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
